From souza

Dauce as though no one is watching you.
Love as though you have never been hurt before.
Sing as though no one can hear you.
Live as though heaven is on earth.

picture

Pictures

little women continued

The more I read this book, the more longing I have to have a sibling, sister or brother. It doesn't matter. I hope my mom would be like Mrs. March. Or she could be my example.

Little women

Now I am reading little women. Just now the bell rang --"dang"! It fits the time perfectly for me to read little women as I, myself am growing to become one. Make appointment. Write checks. Reserve the U-Haul for movin. Pick up mom at night. Do laundry. Sell sofa. Open the electric service in the new apartment. . .
Ok, don't need to list anything else. Now I am doing the dishes left in the sink and then call Dr. Gans to send the referral. Maybe go to insurance company again to save some money! Hahaha!

graduation

EVOL: An Inconvenient Truth#links

EVOL: An Inconvenient Truth#links

EVOL: An Inconvenient Truth#links

EVOL: An Inconvenient Truth#links

An Inconvenient Truth

MYSPACE


I watched this movie and was shocked by all the data and phenomenon! The movie is really good and worthy to see and pay attention. Pledge to see it and if you want to know what can you do, go to the links above to know more!

Take action!

Parallel

While I was nervous about the forgotten undone homework, I walked into Math classroom. The seats were arranged in group! As soon as I saw it, I have an uneasy feeling. This happened at everytime, of course. Where should I sit? I walked to the original my seat area, which now combined with three other desks, and put my bag on the desk. Two guys who originally sits behind me were at the other two desks. Then, I sat down. Then they went away to the back seats along with their bags and they called Kalen over, too, who is my tablemate. I watched to the other side of the room and tried to pretend I didn't see the whole thing. It didn't really happen. I told myself I didn't care, I didn't care and it's natrual and usual, I didn't care... (Two girls came to sit with me later. I would always be grateful to them)

This event disturbed my heart and sent my mood down and down. Then I remembered what happened to the African the day before. He's from Tanzania and he came to our English class as a speaker. Mrs. Kern said he's really intelligent the day before he came and asked us to bring food and drink. When we were sitting there, hearing Mrs. Kern's introdution, we were all examine the short black man. Then, we were asked to go to talk to him and get the food and drink in front. We stood up but walked in a slow pace, watching each other. The reluctance must hurt him as it hurt me. We moved. To my astonishment, the few people in front walked past him without saying a word. They got the food and went back. I felt embarrassed and uneasy for him. But at the same time I approached him and felt uncomfortable. I said "Hi" and smiled but still passed him. Now, I feel so ashamed of myself. Why not say more and talk to him as a friend? Why act as others and be afraid? But done is done. When I was getting the cookie I brought, I heard people say "nice to meet you"and saw them shaking hands. Yeah, that's right. I felt a little relaxed and saw Mrs. Kern's approving eyes and nods. When I listened to his presentation, I remembered the line from Hotel Rwanda-"They are only Africans, they are not even niger."

What a similarity between me and him! Both in a foreign country and treated as a foriegner. . .

Musesum

pictures

Quadriga Consort

http://www.quadriga-consort.at/

Check it out!

Awakenning

Why I was so stupid to dedicated myself to only one career? I suddenly woke up that I could be a Chinese teacher here when I am working for a design company. I could be an artist as well as a protector of animals in some organization. I could be anything I want as long as I am living and could afford my consumption. Suppose I have been always working for a goal and spend all those years in it, how many excited, wonderful life I would miss! And how dissapointed I might be when I finally achieve the only goal and realize that!

Live the life now and don't worry about the future too much, at least for me!

Excerpt from Siddhartha

"In every truth the opposite is equally true. For example, a truth can only be epressed and enveloped in words if it is one-sided. Everything that is thought and expressed in words is one-sided, only half the truth; it all lacks totality, completeness, unity.

Time is not real, then the dividing line that seems to lie between this world and eternity, between suffering and bliss, between good and evil, is also an illusion. ... The world is not imperfect or slowly evolving along a long path to perfection. No, it is perfect at every moment; every sin already carries grace within it, all small chidren are potential old men, all sucklings hae death within them, al dying people-eternal life.

During deep meditation it is possible to dispel time, to see simultaneously all the past, present and future, and then everything is good, everything is perfect, everything is Brahman. Therefore, it seems to me that everthing that exists is good--death as well as life, sin as well as holiness, wisdom as well as folly. Everything is necessary, everything needs only my agreement, my assent, my loving understanding; then all is well with me and nothing can harm me.

It seems to me, Govinda, that love is the most important thing in the world. It may be important to great thinkers to examine the world, to explain and despise it. But I think it is only imporant to love the world, not to despise it, not for us to hate each other, but to be able to regard the world and ourselves nd all eings with love, admiration and respect."

I don't know why I torment myself by examining my behaviour everyday after school. Why I didn't do that? What I should have said or done? What? What? What? Why, Why, Why?
Am I sick? However, I should see my improvement and try my best to forget the resolution.

Ridiculous!

They get divorce and still need my help. I am like the enzyme to speed up this event. I remember that sleepless night when I sat on my knees on the bed and prayed for my parents' happiness. Holding my own hands, I pleaded my secret God to let them happy. If divorce could do, then get divorce. Then, came that nightmare. When I slept in the dorm, I dreamt they really got divorce. But the mood was really bad. They screamed at each other and mom was lying on the bed. I woke up suddenly with the pleasure to see that was only a dream.
Still, I won't regret for what I have done. won't I?

Gray mood

It's nessesary to calm down a little after too much excitement I guess. So, today I quiet down out of my control.

Il Postino

Ll Postino is Italian for "The Postman". It's a great movie! I watched it in World Literature for about 3 periods. On the last period, which is today, I cried a lot at the end of it. Under the dark lights, I couldn't control my tears because I used all the exertions to control not to make any noise. If I were alone watching that movie, I would cry out loud like a baby! It's a great movie, so real, simple, beautiful, and everything!
Check it out!

Life is good!

Now, I feel I am really living and enjoying my life! Everything happened these days changed me a lot! I feel that I own some magic or power inside me, which make me have no fear to speak in front of class, no fear to confront any potencial dissapointment. I saw myself and I am living with it. No other time than now that I am truly gratefull for my life!
So high these three days! (No drugs, xixi)

overwhelmed by books

As I need to finish "Emma" at home, I have to catch up reading "Siddhartha" in some free time. While I am using every break at school to read "Their Eyes were Watching God", today, Mrs. Booth gave me another book-- "The Secret Life of Bees!" I can feel the pressure,now. Can't wait to finish them all!

glittering winter!

Click on the third image! You'll see something amazing!

Abstract from Self-Reliance from Emerson

Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events

It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness and the indpendence of solitude.

Your goodness must have some edge to it,--else it is none.

Society is a joint-stock company, in which the members agree, for the better securing of his bread to each shareholder, to surrender the liberty and culture of the eater.

sushi!

Taste so good! I hope you all can taste them some day when we met again!

A snow world

I walked in beautiful snow world this morning. The pines were covered with snow. The twigs were glued by ice. The sun shone on them, which made them sparkled! What a beautiful winter!

Tunnel of love

My AP Stat teacher is a crazy woman. She could scream and laugh so loudly that the next room could hear her. She could speak so fast that the whole class can't follow her and start another rebellion. Once she even cut a guy's hair at the end of the class!
Now, she created a new form of craziness--the tunnel of love! Before class she and the students would stand along the two sides of the hallway and say" hello" to random people! That is to show them love and spread love. Now and then, she would hug someone! Some of the freshmen even avoid walking through this hallway and scared to tear!
Can you imagine such a kind of teacher in China?
But she has passion. She really love people. She love teaching. She love everyday life.
The teachers in America are real teachers. Every one of them has his own teaching style. They teach us knowledge both inside and outside the textbook. They are aiming to improve the overall ability of students, not the exam or score. Furthermore, the relationship between teachers and students are so joyous and casual. It's friendship instead of a sence of tyranny.

Josh

Josh was my English-class-deskmate in the first nine weeks of the first year. Then, we met in Physics class this year as deskmate again. We were sitting in the last row so I could read books sometimes although with guilty feeling to Mrs. Duda. She is an extremely kind but extremely boring teacher. I controled myself not to talk to him 'cause I don't want to distract him from listening to the teacher. But till I noticed his shoes. His shoes' front part was wrapped around with a grey band, which sometimes would fall off and revelt his toes. I was so surprised that one day I wrote" why didn't you buy a new pair of shoes" on the paper and showed to him. He smiled and said the shoes were really comfortble. . .
Now, it's in the third nine-week period. We are deskmate again!

Smile

America is a country full of smile. I was looking for a world full of charming smile back in China. But when I was in it, it took me a while to get used to it. When I was smiling to everyone with my true feeling, sometimes I began to wonder whether their smiles were all true. Or it's just a custum, a cultural habit?
Now smile to me is a habit, too.

ice skating

Today is the first time I skated in U.S. It was fun over all. We six people even drew some attention from the little boys. Some of them asked us questions about Chinese-how to say "hello", how to say"go to hell". One of them even skated with me and called me his new girlfriend! No more than 10 seconds, he left me and found a new Chinese girlfriend again! Then, he tried to take pictures of us, which no one let him do it.

We have had two days off. Tomorrow is another 2 hours delay! Cool!

Transformation

This is the road I chose. . .
This is the road I chose.
So, deal with me. Deal with everything.
Someone said that suffering is the best part of his whole life.
So, experience the suffering and smile to it.
I have a lot.
So, look at them more and decrease my other desires.
Life will be better.
Plus I could change my own world. I am the owner of it.

Surround by angels

Today's snow was really pretty! I was like walking in a white fairy world! The snow was perfect in size so it could fall in a slower speed. They were like little angels coming to the earth from heaven!

The cold eye and the smile

Kalen looked at me once. Her stare scared me a lot! It's like she hates me from the beginning of her life! I couldn't figure out why she hates me so much!
In Comparitive Religion, we three worked together to draw an illustration of Pan Gu Kai Tian. It's so funny that we laughed through the class. I want to live in that atmosphere forever!

New courses continue

Now, they looked better!
I wrote Chinese on the blackboard in World Lit. "黑板是绿色的" I felt so cool! Although there are three different language on the board. Chinese is the most special one! Haha! And I noticed a difference between our writings. I put the Chinese charactors first (on top of the English translation) while they all put English first!
In American Lit, situation also changed toward a better side! Although a cold icy girl sits on my left side, a friendly talkative guy sits on my right! Haha! God is fair! Life is good! Today, I did an activity with him, Luke. I found surprisingly that I could talk to him fluently and kinda freely. And I was relaxed, too! Maybe he has a power!

New courses

The three new courses don't seem exciting and promising. The people in World Lit. don't talk much. Maybe it's because of the topic of the teacher chose. However, it's embarrassing!
In American Lit, besides the dull subject, materials we are studying, there's a girl called Kalen sitting beside me. I tried to be friendly to her. So I called her name and asked to see a sheet of work of hers. She looked at me and turned her head to the front again! I don't know what's wrong!

Assembly

Today's assembly is worth to hear although many kids skip it. The first speaker is an old man. He talked about the influnce of media and the concept of masculine and feminine. In America, masculine is always related to sports, sexual requirment, and economic prosperity; Feminine means beauty, good body shape, and so on. He said they are all false. I was not surprised to hear that. What struke me and moved me is his saying that he has seen many young people who thought they would live a long life dying on beds (one of his job). Their last thoughts are about relationship-what kind of a friend they have been, what kind of a child or parent they have been. . . The only true definition for either masculine and feminine is the ability to love and be loved.
I think I wouldn't regret or feel so unmeaningful if I die tomorrow.

The second speaker, a middle-age-woman talked about whether girls are mean. It's so interesting that I am like the victim in her talking-ignored and secluded by "friends". She said it would hurt when they didn't receive answer back after they give the greetings. Yes, it does. It hurt at first. But now, I don't care any more. Maybe it's really jelousy that cause some of their behavior. Whatever, I see light in college!

New environment make people excited at first. It works as the "U" curve when you move to a new place. Excited first!

There was an interesting thing happened in World Literature. Mrs. Kern told us some interesting information! There is only 5% North American in this world while nearly 60% Asians is living on the earth! So, they are abnormal literally! However, I , the only Asian sitting in that room am much more normal! American Literature seemed to testify that fact-5 Chinese in that calss! Ha!

Tomorrow will start a new semester.
I have to say goodbye to Mrs. Booth who always encourage me, praise me and provide me books. She treated everyperson equally. Even though you are a foreigner, she makes you feel you are there with everybody else.
Then, no study hall is left, which means I have no time to read my book! Additional two English class will fill my other time! I will be pretty busy I hope! Not like now, having nothing to do, feeling hallow inside.

Trip to Florida

I could foretell that there must be a compare between two object. But when it all happens to two children, the compare make it unbearable.

So, it happened when I met my mom's friend's daughter. She came to U.S three years earlier than me. She knows exactly what to say to contradict adult and make them laugh. I personally like her a lot, too. But the silent comparision made by my mom between her and me drove me crazy. Besides, the good Chinese culture to praise other's child made it worse much more!

I know it's not her fault. However, I got a lesson from it. Don't ever make comparision between my child with other's at least not express it.